


In an Arena With a Beautiful Boy

by pancake_surprise



Series: Family Affairs [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Dick and Bob walk into the wrong arena, Idiots in Love, M/M, dick and bob's epic slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancake_surprise/pseuds/pancake_surprise
Summary: You're in an arena with a beautiful boy and he won't tell you that he loves you but he loves you.You're in an arena with a beautiful and you love him but you won't tell him that you love him.You're in an arena--
Relationships: Dick/Bob
Series: Family Affairs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997158
Comments: 44
Kudos: 133
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	In an Arena With a Beautiful Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lunarins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarins/gifts).



> Thank u for the Cuervo, Lunarins. 
> 
> I've lost all control of my life. Pls if you haven't followed Bob and Dick's adventures commentating EJP vs. MSBY and the Olympics, click out now. This is pure indulgent crack.

DICK: Well Bob never thought we’d be here. What about you?

BOB: It certainly is a strange turn of events. But hey when life gives you lemons-

DICK: Make lemonade? 

BOB: Yes, exactly. 

DICK: Do you think we ought to introduce ourselves to the audience before we get started tonight?

BOB: An excellent idea, Dick. Why don’t you get us started? 

DICK: Right.

DICK: Today’s announcers couldn’t make it.

BOB: Something about an incident with a cake and some lobsters. 

DICK: And we’re the only two stupid enough to agree to commentate a sport neither of us are familiar with. 

BOB: Volleyball is much more our expertise. But desperate times call for desperate measures. 

DICK: And boy am I desperate.

BOB: Dick...

BOB: That’s a little personal, don’t you think? 

DICK: Bold of you to assume I have any shame. 

BOB: Right. My mistake. 

DICK: Mhm. Next time you want to drag me, bring better ammo.

BOB: Anyway, folks, we’re happy to be here. We got a crash course in figure skating right before stepping into the box. I’m sure we’ll be fine.

DICK: And lucky for us, this is only the gala skate. What could go wrong? 

BOB: HaHa- what could go wrong, indeed. 

DICK: They do say two heads are better than one. 

BOB: I’m not sure that math works out but I’ll take your word on this one. 

BOB: Next up we have Katsuki Yuri and Victor Nikiforov. Katsuki Yuri was the second place winner at this year’s Grand Prix Final in sunny Barcelona. Victor Nikiforov, a Grand Prix veteran himself, is Yuri’s new coach this season, causing quite a commotion in the figure skating community. 

DICK: How do you know all of this Bob? 

BOB: It’s right here on the Wikipedia page. 

DICK: You’re reading Katsuki Yuri’s Wikipedia page on international TV? 

BOB: You got a problem with my commentating? 

DICK: Oh I’ve got a problem. In fact, I’d say I have a lot of problems. 

DICK: And you’re all one hundred of them.

BOB: I’m honored. 

DICK: You know sometimes I really want to slap you. 

BOB: Save it for the bedroom, Dick. We have a job to do.

DICK: Couldn’t have said it better myself, Bob.

BOB: So Victor Nikiforov what’s his deal? 

DICK: I’m glad you asked. I’m taking a page from your book, I already have his Wikipedia page up. 

BOB: Please, tell me more. 

DICK: Victor caused quite a ruckus when he suddenly left the figure skating scene.

BOB: You don’t say- 

DICK: Imagine the fans' shock when he showed up to the Cup of China as Yuri’s coach. 

BOB: Scandalous. 

DICK: You’re telling me. 

DICK: But let’s go back to Yuri. 

BOB: Right, as most figure skating fans will know, Yuri left the figure skating scene for an entire year. 

DICK: Why the sudden departure?

BOB: Contrary to popular belief, Yuri is a top skater in men’s singles skating, even before this season. But after a series of crushing defeats, he left Detroit, and his coach, to return to his home in Hasetsu, Japan. 

DICK: And now he’s here, preparing to skate in the 2016 Grand Prix Final Gala Skate. What a story-what a journey-what a ride.

BOB: Really pulls at the heartstrings. 

DICK: Bob, I couldn’t agree with you more. 

BOB: Looks like we’re getting started. 

DICK: Now correct me if I’m wrong, but is Katsuki Yuri’s gala skate his coach’s former competition program? 

BOB: You got it, Dick. Yuri is skating to Stay by Me, aka the former program of the very coach who just announced his comeback to competitive figure skating.

DICK: This duo sure does keep everyone on their toes. 

BOB: You can say that again! Say, does that remind you of anybody? 

DICK: Please, Bob, don’t remind me of them here. This is a Miya free zone. 

BOB: Please, Dick, if there is one thing I am sure of in this world, it’s that nowhere is ever truly safe from the Miyas. 

DICK: You have to stop saying their names. You’ll summon them. 

BOB: Just for you, Dick, I’ll stop. 

DICK: Thank you. 

BOB: The emotion we’re seeing out there in Yuri right now is...is

DICK: Astonishing? Mesmerizing? Evocative? 

BOB: All of that and more. 

DICK: You don’t get this in volleyball, that’s for sure. 

BOB: What’s this? It looks like he’s setting up for a jump!

DICK: I’m not sure why you’re so surprised by that but yes, indeed, he is setting up for a jump.

BOB: And wow! It’s a quad lutz! 

DICK: Pardon my french here, but how the fuck do you know that? 

BOB: It’s quite simple, Dick. I paid attention to the edge the jump took off from. 

DICK: And what edge was that? 

BOB: Left outside. 

BOB: It was a pretty standard set up for a lutz, it’s not that deep. 

DICK: Whatever you say, Bob. 

DICK: Regardless it- what’s this! 

BOB: Are you seeing what I’m seeing!?

DICK: This is not a drill, Victor Nikiforov is ON THE ICE, FOLKS. 

BOB: HE’S REALLY OUT THERE.

DICK: When we heard he was making a comeback, I didn’t realize it was going to be so soon. 

BOB: Is that ALLOWED? 

DICK: Nobody panic, we’ve got a pair skate in here tonight. 

BOB: They’re so graceful.

DICK: Stunning. 

BOB: I’m speechless. 

DICK: Holy shit.

BOB: You took the words right out of my mouth. 

DICK: That  _ lift. _

BOB: You’re telling me, Dick, you’re telling me. 

BOB: Once again, that was Katsuki Yuri of Japan and tonight’s Silver Medalist. 

DICK: And his coach, Victor Nikiforov of Russia. 

BOB: What did you think of that performance?

DICK: I gotta tell you Bob, halfway through I really started to feel like we were intruding on something. 

BOB: It was intimate, I’ll give you that. 

DICK: Bob, come on, did you see that face touch, the lingering gaze? 

BOB: Oh, I saw.

DICK: Then why aren’t you more excited! 

BOB: Frankly, I’m still trying to process it all. 

DICK: Take your time. 

DICK: Well, not too much time. We do have other skaters taking the ice any moment now. 

BOB: Gotta say Dick: it really felt like we were watching a love confession on ice. 

DICK: Maybe not a confession, no, a declaration of love. 

BOB: It really was. Truly a beautiful moment to witness. We’re lucky to have been here.

DICK: Love like that doesn’t come around every day. Does it? 

BOB: 

DICK: Bob?

BOB: No, Dick, it uh-

BOB: Sorry, no, Dick. It doesn’t. Come around every day, I mean. Couldn’t have said it better myself. 

DICK: You alright there? 

BOB: Never better. 

DICK: If you’re su-

BOB: I’m sure. 

DICK: Alright then. It looks like our next performance is taking the ice. 

BOB: So, Yuri Plisetzky-

DICK: This evening’s Gold Medalist.

BOB: That’s right. This was Yuri’s debut year on the senior circuit.

DICK: And what a debut it’s been.

BOB: You know, I’ve been told we’re in for a ride with this one. 

DICK: That’s right, word on the street, or Wikipedia page rather, is that Yuri Plisetzky is a bit of a firecracker. 

BOB: Never know what to expect with this one. 

DICK: As expected, he starts off strong, full drama ahead. 

BOB: This kid has some serious style, don’t you think so? 

DICK: Style is one way to describe it I suppose. 

BOB: Come on, the punk rock look never goes out of style. 

DICK: How would you know? 

BOB: You don’t know everything about me. 

DICK: Oh?

BOB: Now’s not the time, Dick.

DICK: Alright then, keep your secrets. 

BOB: WOW! 

DICK: That was crazy!

BOB: The physical feats figure skaters are capable of are just incomprehensible. 

DICK: I believe that was a side camel into a catch foot spin. 

BOB: I don’t know what it was but it sure was cool. 

DICK: Cool is an understatement. 

BOB: How old is Plisetzky? 

DICK: Fifteen, Bob. 

BOB: What do you mean ‘he’s fifteen’!? Is that allowed!

DICK: We’re not on the volleyball court anymore, Bob. It’s a whole new world. 

BOB: You can say that again.

BOB: This is a lot. A lot to take in.

DICK: I’ll be here when you’re ready but I’m not sure about Plisetzky, it’s really heating up down there.

BOB: That’s putting it lightly. 

DICK: There’s some of that trademark attitude we were warned about.

BOB: The jacket is off folks. I repeat THE JACKET IS OFF. 

DICK: WAIT-

BOB: WHO IS THAT?

DICK: Player two has entered the game.

BOB: Oh and THERE GO THE GLASSES with a sick overhand throw. 

DICK: THE CROWD GOES WILD

BOB: OH and there goes glove one, torn off by, wait is that?

DICK: Right you are Bob! It’s Otabek Altin. He’s just pulled off one of Plisetzky’s gloves. There’s a lot going on down there. 

BOB: WHAT’S THIS?

DICK: THERE’S NO WAY THIS IS ALLOWED

BOB: Folks, Otabek Altin has just ripped Plisetzky’s other glove off!

DICK: WITH HIS TEETH

BOB: There’s a lot to unpack here. 

DICK: And absolutely no time to do it. 

BOB: You’re telling me! Just when I think it can’t get any crazier! 

DICK: DOES OTABEK HAVE A GUN

BOB: Just to be clear Otabek has a  _ finger  _ gun but the point stands, OTABEK DOES INDEED HAVE A GUN

DICK: Oh and he shoots!

BOB: YURI IS DOWN

DICK: What a wild ride. 

BOB: You’re telling me, never in all my years as a volleyball announcer have I seen something like this. 

DICK: It pains me to admit this, but I agree, and that’s Miyas included. 

BOB: Never thought the day would come but here we are. 

DICK: Amazing performances tonight by everybody. JJ Leroy, Katsuki Yuri and Victor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetzky and Otabek Altin. 

BOB: Like you said Dick, all of them were amazing, but wow were they so, so different. 

DICK: If Yuri and Victor’s program was a love story, what does that make Yuri and Otabek’s? 

BOB: West Side Story? 

DICK: Sure, let’s go with that. 

BOB: Both love stories, one happy. One, um, less than ideal. 

DICK: He died, Bob. Less than ideal is a bit misleading. 

BOB: Okay, one beautiful love story and one tragic? 

DICK: Better. Err, I guess. 

BOB: Really makes you wonder...

DICK: Wonder? 

BOB: You know-

DICK: Bob? 

BOB: Are you going to make me say it? 

DICK: Say...?

BOB: Dick, you really are an idiot. 

DICK: It’s true! I’m the world's biggest volleyball announcer idiot! Wait. Did you read my twitter bio? 

BOB: Oh my god. 

BOB: Never change, Dick, never change. 

DICK: For you, Bob, anything. 

BOB: Oh. 

DICK: Well that’s all we have for you tonight, folks!

BOB: Thanks for having us!

DICK: It’s been great but I think we’ll stick to volleyball from here on out. 

BOB: Miyas and all.

**Author's Note:**

> Enablers I <3 u


End file.
